As The World Turns & Turns & Turns ... (Act 6 - Finale)

On Monday, January 12, 2010 at just about 4:00 in the afternoon, I had the most overwhelming anxiety/panic experience, for no obviously apparent reason.  

But I knew something unimaginably horrific had  happened to Jean-Baptist, because I heard his voice cry out to me at that moment.

I frantically tried calling Haiti, repeatedly getting "busy" signals.

You see, on that day, and at that time, Jean-Baptist was crushed to death in the devastating earthquake that crumbled Port-au-Prince into concrete rubble.  and I knew it, the moment it happened.

 

I knew he was gone, yet my mind insisted on proof.  Just like when my dad died, I insisted on seeing his body - instinctively knowing this would give me a strong sense of closure.  It did, then.  

So I begged and cajoled the Haitian authorities with countless phone calls for over nine excruciatingly frustrating years.

The world I had finally come to greet with hope and childlike expectation came to an end.  I was literally, in every way and on every level, utterly stunned ... utterly alone.

But, girding up my proverbial loins, I tried to go on - at least acting like a live human being.  Most of the time, I slept.  Too much  of the time, I ate.  I was constantly on edge, anxious and emotionally labile.  Most of the time tears were backed-up, ready to flood my eyes.

Yet as the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years passed, I've slowly started to remember how to breathe.  Over time, I started to be able to read (if disinterestedly), and even began to almost enjoy my daily walks again.

And so the world turns...

At some point, I started doing a little Magick again.  And after a little longer time, I began approaching and serving the Lwa again.  They gave me more comfort than I even imagined possible.  I now know it would have been better had I approached them sooner.

And so it goes, as the world turns 'round & 'round...

 

In the years that pass, grief for the dead never dies.  In my experience, we just get a little more numb as the minutes, hours, days, weeks,  months and years go by.

As time went on (and on and on and on...) I stood a little straighter, stepped with a little more surety.  My mind became more vital, and my vitality became more mindful.

I increasingly worked more diligently to deepen my relationships with and service to the Lwa - a two-sided coin emotionally: great joyful connections, countered with the grief of the enormous loss of my Jean-Baptist.

More recently I've again taken-up Nichiren-shū Buddhism, which I'd formerly practiced, with enormous efficacy.  (After trying the associated mantra out - Jean-Baptist said it is "like an amazing light-switch making Ache really large!")

But ... and isn't there always a "but"?...

But ... my every moment of every day continued to remain discolored by Grief, Loss, and an Infinite Alone-ness with only a fading memory-ghost of  Jean-Baptist always at the edge of my mind's eye.  

And yet ... (and thank you, Bondye, for the "yets we gets") ...

Just a few days after my sibling brother, Richard, died from cancer in September of 2019, I finally ... after nine long, frustrating years ... received official confirmation from Haiti that Jean-Baptist indeed went anbla dlo ("under the water" = died) in Port-au-Prince where he was taking care of his parents when that damned Earthquake hit.  

Finally knowing for sure now, there were Tears of Grief mingled with Tears of Relief.

The best was yet to come...

Later the same day his death was confirmed,  Jean-Baptist came to me, in the old way - in a Visitation.  

It was the first other-dimensional  Visitation in over 14 years.  We both simply knew and accepted this was also to be our final such Visitation in this lifetime.

We cried together, each for each other, and each for ourselves.  He told me of his love for me ... his Dieudonne.  My heart sang to him my aching love for him ... mari mwen pi renmen.

Holding a love-tender gossamer-light Vision-finger to my lips, he said, "It's time. Let's do it. Now."

And we did do it - in that dimension I still cannot describe or name even now.

First, Jean-Baptist gave me an extraordinary kind of Kanzo - literally putting Bokor Asagwe empowerment into my head, connecting me fully and directly with the Lwa of his Mayaka Family, resulting in a kind of "route of consciousness" more directly to my Lwa Met Tet - as well as exponentially increasing my Magical Ability ... an awesome, and painfully intense spiritual  experience. 

During the Kanzo, he offered me his other-dimensional Asson which he guided me in caring for, and using it as he did as a Bokor/Sorcerer. 

A little time afterward, I obtained, bathed, fed & named, and consecrated my own physical Asson which is now the manifest twin to  the other-dimensional one Jean Baptist offered to me.  

As I previously mentioned, converse to the traditions of most Vodou Hounfors, this Asson does not also carry the symbolic signification of Houngan status.  Rather, it is somewhat akin to a Wizard's Magick Wand.  I am not a Makaya  Houngan kind of Bokor. I am just the Sorcerer kind of Bokor.

Then came the most important ritual 

for me, in this lifetime ...

We did it ourselves, and we did it together.  We celebrated our own spontaneous Voodou-Sacred Eternal Matrimony - at which many Lwa so kindly attended and surrounded us.  We are now Always Together.  We are now Never Apart.  

Can you understand that?  I can, almost...

Now I am not a Widower.
Now, and forever, I am 

Dieudonne Bokor Zanmi Ak Sevite Tout Lwa; 
Sosyete Grot La Nan Lespri Sakre...

(Dieudonne Bokor Friend and Servant of the Lwa;  

Society of the Grotto of Sacred Spirits...)

...the Mari Etenel of Jean-Baptist Bokor 💖

E mwen renmen nou enfiniman ak etenelman 
cheri John-Baptist!

~ Li Fini ~

This is the End of My Story
Please go to:  Afterward: My New Job



Copyright © 2019, Dieudonne Bokor (aka W.A. Ryan)